What the many different “gender” ideas have in common is that gender is supposed to be something other than one’s physical, bodily sex. About bodily sex (being male or female), some deny its reality, but more commonly it is assumed that sex is real but ought not matter, at least for most practical purposes. Sometimes interest in another person’s sex is even ridiculed as a sick obsession with genitals, as if that were all there is to being male or female.
But when you hear talk of “passing,” you know that there is a burning, focused concern there with sex, and not only with gender.
To “pass” means to purposely deceive the people around you, making them think that you are a person of the other sex. For instance, many who would attempt the impossible transition from being a man to being a woman, have as a goal to “pass” – that is, to be taken to be a woman. Also, people who know that actual transition is impossible may still aim for the lesser goal of “passing.”
All would-be “passers” know that it’s impossible to “pass” with (i.e. to fool) all people, all the time. Your mom, surely, will still know that you are a man, as will your doctor, or anyone with whom you are intimate. Still, the goal is to be mistaken for a woman most of the time by most people.
In the same way, the woman who wants to “pass” is trying to deceive most others into thinking she is a man. It’s a lifestyle of deception – of others, if not also of oneself.
Of course, passing is hard! A few can achieve that level of deception, but most would-be passers will be betrayed by their shoulders, their hips, the sound of their voice, and so on. Humans are built to be very good at sorting one another into the man-category or the woman-category.
Near-constant mimicry and deception – this is a big commitment. It’s exhausting. It’s a losing cause. One should think hard and long before embarking on such a path.
As with most gender jive, “passing” is a euphemism, a polite way of talking about an unpleasant reality, here, systematic deception about one’s sex. Let’s be clear, though, about what “passing” is.
